Sunday, October 6, 2013

Hiatus is over...Let's do some Face time!

So when I say "hiatus is over" that means I finally have a working computer! I have a mini ipad, two other lap tops, and my daughter's mac book... all did an "86" almost simultaneous this week which left me...yep with out access to emails, blogging, twitter, facebook and the news! Felt completely disconnected to the outside social world.... but I am BAAAACCCCCK. Sorta, hahaha... mini ipad, still disabled, and one lap top still on the Fritz but I have the mac book!... so here I am.

So let's talk face time... on the heels of 50 (no pun intended) I have noticed that when I look in the mirror, there is someone else looking back...who is she? I see a resemblance of the girl I used to know, that I would critique even at 20, 30 and 40 years old, but in my later forties and at the beginning of a new generation, someone a bit different. Do you remember when you really noticed a difference, when the sagging around the jowls started, when the lids of your eyes started to droop, when the laugh lines around your mouth became  a permanent fixture to your face??? The list goes on. I'm not gonna lie, I'm vain, when it comes to my face, I see my youth fading away slowly but I feel more youthful inside than ever. Yet,standing side by side to my young 19 year old daughter whose skin is supple, and her eyes are bright and wrinkle free and I see what I used to be. I took for granite I would always be that girl, so it's  hard to have a daily reminder that I no longer possess those attributes. The saying you should be proud of your life lines, they are "earned", well that is a crock of shit. Sorry, but the only way I could live with that saying is if I had post-it notes next to each of my "earned" lines. Each would state it's reward, such as the frown lines between my eyes would state, "Lines earned from worry, wondering if kids will be safe while driving, will they be okay when they move away, will they be happy full filled adults, will my husband have a safe business trip, will the back yard ever get a make over, can we afford to paint the house"? the list goes on forever... Oh and the lines around my eyes would state that, "These lines are earned from squinting because I can no longer see the print in magazines, newspapers etc, without squinting and I do not like wearing glasses, I am in denial."  The only lines I feel I have earned are the laugh lines... I do believe in smiling and laughing a lot. Life is too short not to make the most of what ever you are doing and I pride myself in making sure those around me are happy, so that post it would be a worthy one fo sho!
So, the vain woman that I am, has spent at least a year of college tuition over the past decade...yep  that could have gone towards one of my kids tuition's, or a really amazing vacation with a new wardrobe to boot or a new car, but NOOOOOO, I have spent it on my FACE! And while many anti-aging concoctions have worked in the short term, I am always looking for the miracle potion to bring me back to my youth.
I have not tried the fillers or botox, I am so afraid of looking like a deer in head lights or the lips that look like you inflated them with  a tire pump,  that my husband wouldn't recognize me and that I'd  feel worse off than before, so  I  will keep it on the side lines for now.
This is all probably a bit over exaggerated, I still am young and vibrant and know I am just hard on myself, for I believe most of us feel we are compared to those who have done the face lifts, botox and fillers that we look older and less attractive than our peers that we are some how diminished in societies eyes as not being as attractive. If we all would be in the same "playing" field  so to speak I think my view point on myself would be less harsh, but these are the times. In my mom's generation, you never heard of botox... everyone was the same, only difference is whether you were gifted with some good genes.
So at this point in my life I will try and be more gentle to the face in the mirror, cut her some slack, look beyond the post it notes and just know that while I may have "earned" these life lines, I am more than just a face, I am a wife, mother, sister, friend who will no doubt be awarded with more lines, but it just goes to show...I'm loving my life.

xoxo Mari


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